Bob's Discussion Thread

Okay, I am going to use this thread for any out of character references, side notes, etc. I would like people to be aware of for my story. I also encourage anyone to post in here with thoughts and suggestions they have about my story. For the most part, I'll probably just be editing this main post and keeping it organized kind of like patch notes that list amendments I've made to previous posts. As well as editing the first reply I made for side notes.

August 24th

1. Added binoculars to the list of supplies I took from my house in Post #2.
   

When writing a character's thoughts, I use italics to represent them.

Starting with Post #3 I will be playing the role of Theodore (A.K.A. Ted) as well. If I am writing in the perspective of Ted and switch to Bob or vice versa, it will be represented by a break of ---------------------------------------, unless it switched between two posts.

Subliw wrote:

Ted searched through his room frantically, tossing clothes and various items that now seemed useless into a growing pile in the corner. He was looking for the various knives he had in his room as well as the tin of hollow point BBs that went with the one thousand foot per second air rifle in the corner of the room. Those were the only weapons he could think of using from a distance against what couldn’t-be-but-clearly-were zombies.

Both references of the corner are not talking about the same corner, however it is being referred to as "the" corner, which leads to an awkward sounding couple lines. Like it should be the same corner, but you know its not. So maybe a differentiating word like "the other corner" or something.

Subliw wrote:

Ted opened the window in his living room that overlooked the front door where the zombies now beat mercilessly against his front door. The first door’s glass pane was already shattered, shards stuck into their hands and feet. Ted shivered at the sight of the grotesque creatures. He took the first knife, took a second to line it up and threw.

Repeat of the same "front door" very close together in the same sentence. Sounds a little weird, and could probably be fixed by simply removing the last part, or rewording it.



(Also, I think this is a good way to point out strange looking things. A quote with red highlight, and a short description of what)